Limited Language Skills

As I am finishing my third day without a voice I have had time - and inclination - to consider what our voice does for us. We take our voice completely for granted until it's gone, but it is our instrument, our connection, even our person. The quality of our voice defines us; it's like our fingerprint of sound. We remember people by their voices, and we know all the shades and tones of our loved ones voices.
When one has lost ones voice and can only whisper, the nuance of meaning is lost. And forget about the squawk. One can't get meaning across with that at all. What makes it worse is that it hurts to speak, yet I end up having to repeat everything I say because nobody can understand me. And I have the sneaking suspicion that my family thinks I'm doing this on purpose!
What if we were only given a finite number of words to use in a lifetime and I've already used mine up? If we knew that we only had so many words available wouldn't we use them more wisely? I know I sometimes talk to hear myself talk, so if I have only been given a certain number of words then I'm probably doomed to whisper for the rest of my life.

Thoughts from a crazy woman

As I sit in the box office, yet again, waiting for the Young Actor's Workshop class 1 to end and class 2 to begin, I thought I would update my blog. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of other things to do to while a way a minute, but this sounds the most fun right now.

It has been a crazy couple of weeks. We had the comedian James Gregory, with Keith Alberstadt at our theatre last Saturday for a show, (I would put his caricature on, but , quite frankly, I am sick of it), and this Saturday we have casting director Kelly Tippens teaching workshops for aspiring young actors. At the same time we are mounting Charlotte's Web, and planning a mystery dinner show for the South Carolina Waste and Recycling convention in March. We do stay busy around here.

At the same time I am still in school, though I try not to think about it. I am supposed to write a 5 page essay about Death of a Salesman and Glengarry Glen Ross before Tuesday, and several response papers about plays I've seen, as well as write a grant proposal before Wednesday. I will get them done, but procrastination is a problem with me - thus the blog entry. Maybe if I start writing I will get the juices flowing.

The kids are great. Mckenzie auditioned for the Fine Arts Center in Greenville. If she makes it she will attend a different high school for at least half the day next year, and maybe transfer entirely if it makes more sense transportation wise. I am so proud of how well she is doing with her oboe. She really plays beautifully. Both her and Clint will be doing Region band this next week, and that is always a great opportunity. Their All-County band concert was amazing.

I am also so proud of Austin. He auditioned for NYU, and it sounds like his audition went well. He is so amazingly talented, and I really hope he finds a program that can help him shine. However, he should feel good about the fact that he went and auditioned at all. There are many others who talk about it but never do.

College Life

Some days I feel more like a college student than other days. Today was one of those days when I stumbled out of bed at 5:30 to get ready for my 8:00 class. I soon realized I had nothing to wear because my laundry hasn't been done in...oh, I can't remember when, and I had to (stop reading here if you are squeamish), get some jeans out of the hamper so I could get dressed. I actually sniffed them to make sure they weren't too offensive. ugh. I figured if I kept my long coat on the whole time nobody would notice the tell-tale wrinkles. I won't say I've never done this before, but it usually doesn't get quite that bad around here...ok, so those of you that have lived with me will disagree...but I seriously do try most of the time to keep a semblance of order. I am home now, and do you think I will do some laundry? Well, I'll think about it - if I can fit it into my schedule.

A New Beginning

Yesterday we took Harrison to the Charlotte airport for his departure into his future. Surprisingly I was able to hold it together for the most part. I only cried a little. I know this is a good move for him because he will be with people who like him and will be a great influence on him. In fact, I couldn't ask for better people for him to be around. Furthermore, he will develop his independence and be challenged to grow, which is what is supposed to happen, but I will definitely miss him - as exasperating as he can be at times.

After we got back we all got busy cleaning out his bedroom to turn it into Mckenzie's room. I started in on the closet, and I found that most of what we are giving a rent free home to isn't worth saving. It feels so good to remove the junk that clutters up our lives. I have a HUGE pile for Goodwill, a HUGE pile for the trash, and a few things to sell on Ebay. We filled up another box to send to Harrison - I hope he can find a spot for it - and overall we had a good time together. I'm going to be okay.

We are supposed to get some snow tonight. I hope it's enough to cancel classes tomorrow. My life would be perfect.

The Week That Was

This has been a crazy week, and I think I'm feeling the strain. I am in great need of a 5 hour energy drink today. We opened our play "Smoke On The Mountain" last night to rave reviews. It couldn't have gone any better. The play was so funny that we broke up on stage. It reminded me of the old Carol Burnett shows with Harvey Corman breaking up because of Tim Conway. I had to struggle to get my laughter under control, which made my eyes water. Everyone that knows me knows that I cry when I laugh, and I was just hoping my makeup didn't run down my face.

We were able to score 10 cases of Nehi soda for concessions, which we put in a big tub of ice. We also got the cellophane crackers - a real southern treat, I guess. I think the audience enjoyed it.

I really appreciate the help of the core four (sans Harrison). Austin house managed with Meredith, and he also ran the lights, and Emma was in the box office. I'm going to miss you guys. But at least I will still have Austin around for another year.

I also attended my orientation for new students at Clemson this last Thursday. I felt so old sitting in that room with all those new students. I kept thinking "what am I doing here!!!" I start classes this coming Wednesday. I only have one general ed class, BIO 103, and all the rest are theatre and music classes. I'm taking acting I, which I'm sure will be....well, let's just say it will be something. I'm also taking private voice lessons and a portfolio class (whatever that is). I tried to get a Spanish class so I don't forget what I learned this last semester, but all of the classes were full.

I'm missing Harrison, but I just know he is having a great time. I'm so grateful to my family for hosting him and making him feel at home. He probably won't want to come home after this, but I'll deal with that when and if it happens.

The First Push

Harrison is on his way to Utah in a day.

My hopes for his trip are:

• that he gets a taste of my family's optimism and good humor,


• he sees that the world is bigger than this podunk town,


• he begins to understand that college isn't only Clemson, USC, or Winthrop,


• he explores as much of Utah as he is able,


• he develops some independence,


• he gets to know his extended family a bit,


• he sees what Utah might have to offer him,


• he learns to get out of bed before 1:00 in the afternoon,


• he understands his background and heritage a bit better,


• he laughs a lot,


• he misses me (at least a little).

The latest news is that I have been accepted to Clemson University's Theatre Department as a student. I feel like I'm finally finishing a project I started 20 something years ago, which I guess is exactly what I'm doing. I should be able to complete my degree in 2 years with a BA in Performing Arts/Theatre and a music minor. The best part is that they are accepting my credits from my time at SUSC - now SUU, and the second best part is that they told me I'm not the oldest student in the program. The next two years are going to be a challenge, but I'm looking forward to it. Wish me luck.